The Ultimate Sacrifice

I (This is Jay for a change) have laid in bed this morning for over an hour praying over the mother, half way around the world, who in less that 48 hours must make the most difficult decision that any parent could be forced to make. The birth mother of two children "M" and "S" are about to fall asleep in an orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and they have no idea of the sacrifice their mother has made for them, nor of the torment that she must be overwhelmed at this moment with self-doubt and fear.

Once we saw the precious faces of the two children who may soon be forever ours, I fell in love...and having been blessed by seeing videos and stories from friends who have visited Hannah's Hope, their temporary home, I can't wait to hold them in my arms and in a way that only a mother and father can tell a child who doesn't understand a word you say that we love them, unconditionally, and maybe someday they will understand how much their birth mother loved them too.

I have to be honest. I find myself selfish in my prayers. Praying that these two children will soon become our own, and that the process will proceed without delay...and yet I have talked with several people over the past weeks who have lost referrals - mostly from domestic adoptions - where the mother was on the verge of giving up her child and at the last minute, looked deep within herself and in the eyes of her newborn miracle and somehow found the courage to raise the child herself. It is little consolation to the adoptive parents who fell in love and got their hopes up...down to the last minute...only to be deeply disappointed, a scar not dissimilar to losing a baby in their own womb. The love was every bit as real, and the hurt every bit as painful. But in the midst of their sorrow, they rejoice in the Lord, for a child is united with his birth mother, and she has the faith that she can do what God has designed her for - and who am I to say that is ever a bad thing. Because that mother made a choice to bring a child into the world, when she was faced with the choice to terminate her pregnancy, she refused. She loved that child, but something in her was willing to give up her child because she felt she could not care for him in the manner he deserved. In the end, at the ultimate time of decision, she dug down deep into her soul and found the love that I can only pray will endure as she faces the difficult task of now raising that child, probably on her own when over the past 9 months she thought she was not able to do so.

This all leads to my torment. What to pray for the next 48 hours? Our birth mom is coming from a background that you and I can not every fully understand. The depths of her struggles we can't possibly relate to. And somewhere in Gambala, Ethiopia, she lays awake at night in tears, fearing for the safety of her children, praying for forgiveness for being unable to care for her children, for being a failure as a mother...if only she knew that God knows her pain all too well. He has faced darkness and has overcome it. He sacrificed his own son so that no one on this earth should have to endure the pain and suffering that this mother is facing right now.

Do I really pray that this mom gives up her parental rights so that they be ours, or do I simply pray for peace in her heart that she can make the right decision, whatever it may be. I have known these children for less than 2 months, having never met them, and it is difficult for me to pray, when the possible outcome is that their mother welcomes them back into her loving arms and finds a way that she can proceed and take care of them on her own. But that is exactly what I am called to do. Pray for this mother...a young girl who has been through more pain and suffering in her short life than I could imagine. Pray that she can be at peace. Pray that she can make the ultimate decision. If she can face all odds and take her children back, I pray that God watch over her and little "S" and "M", as we may never see their faces again.

However, I am also praying that if she is still unable, in her heart, to provide for these children like she knows they deserve, that God lays the peace on her heart that she deserves. If she only knew of what God had done for us, and the sacrifice he felt while watching Jesus in the hours before his crucifixion. If she only knew the pain that Jesus felt, praying to his father in the Garden for hours...praying that there could be another way out...praying that he didn't have to give up his life...praying that no one would have to feel this kind pain again...so that he ultimately made the ultimate sacrifice that we may live. If our birth mom is out there tormented by her pain, whether she knows the name of Jesus to call out to, I pray that he answer.

I don't know if I would have the strength or courage to make the decision she is making on Wednesday. May she know that it was God who led us to go through this process. May she find some way to understand that God has led our family to Ethiopia specifically for this purpose. May she understand that the faces of little "M" and "S" are etched on our hearts and that we will treat them as our own if she finds the courage to place them in our hands.

Her court date is Wednesday February 23rd, and Tuesday the 22nd as we go to sleep she will be appearing before the judge and facing the ultimate sacrifice...and my prayers are with her.

Court Update! Prayers Please

We got a call a couple of days ago that our court process has changed. Our birth mother will be appearing in court February 23rd. So while we sleep on Tuesday night, she will be appearing in court to give up parental rights.

I don't even know how to express my feeling towards this. Those who have adopted I know can relate, but I can't imagine that moment for her. It breaks my heart. I so want to be able to meet her and hug her and tell her I love her children. And God has a very big plan and we are all apart of it. I want her to know even though I have not walked in her shoes, God called me to this place at this time, and I hope that can give her some peace. It's a very high and low day. My heart breaks for her and yet I long to have these children home. It is hard to have these two very strong emotions at the same time.

Please pray for her Tuesday night as you go to bed. That she will make it to her court appointment, that all paperwork is there and mostly that she is feels peace with her decision.

We do hope to hear something by the end of next week.

Thank you

Candi

Travel Dates, Retreat and little more of my story

I realized I have not put our very exciting dates on here! We will be leaving the States on March 12th! We have a court date of March 18th in Ethiopia. There will be 4 of us traveling. The girls are going with us and are very excited. We have passports and shots done! We are ready! We are going through Rome - always been a dream of mine and I couldn't just stop in the airport! We will be staying in Rome a couple of days then on to Ethiopia on the 15th. We will meet our children on the 16th!! That just gives me chills!!!!! PLEASE pray for court. Passing on the first time and hearing those words "they are yours" is something we desperately want to hear. Those words mainly rely on all the paperwork being where it should be!

I spent this past weekend in ATL at the Created to Care retreat. 250 adoptive moms in one place! Where 2 or more are gathered He is there, well, let me tell you, when 250 adoptive moms are there, HE IS BIG TIME THERE!!!! IT was AMAZING!!!! I cannot say it enough or put into words how wonderful it was!! If you missed it - make it a non negotiable trip for next year.

While I was at the retreat I realized more of my story that I really needed to put into words for me and for my children to read one day and see how God works EVERYTHING for HIS glory - the good and the bad. If you have read my previous posts, you know a huge part of our journey that really started our path to adoption was caring for Jay's mom Coco. She was diagnosed with ALS and lived for 2 years after diagnosis. She lived with us for a portion of that time so we could care for her.

The part I have not told before is how this impacted our oldest daughter. She was 6 months at the time my mother in law moved in with us and 17 months old when she died. During that time Sarah Beth had a very hard time. She went from having a grandmother that could hold her to one that, due to her illness, could not even smile in the end. Many things that a preschooler cannot understand. This caused a lot of stress on me, Jay and thus Sarah Beth. Then, my second daughter was born the week Coco died. Again, more stress on Sarah Beth. Over the next three years a few stressful events occurred - we moved to a new home, I was on bed rest starting at 16 weeks when pregnant with Carter, Carter was a premie and in the NICU, my parents lived us while waiting on their home to be built (really great for me by the way! But just different and difficult on SB) Carter then had a mystery mass on his head that took months to diagnose and ultimately have surgery.

Basically we had event after event that caused stress for Sarah Beth. When children go through stressful times they need down time to look back and realize "okay, I got through that, I'm good." SB never got that time due to so many events. By age 4 1/2 I realized something was really not right. I won't go into all the details, just know she was acting out in ways I had no clue how to handle. Around age 5 we started seeing a therapist for her and I was then told I had a 5 year old physically, but emotionally she was placed at 18 months. She had been so traumatized by her past, she basically became stuck at the first major stressful event in her life. Again, won't go into all the details, but fast forward to now - she's awesome! A very healthy child, physically and emotionally! She is mature beyond her 10 years! It took a good 3-4 years to get her self confidence back, her trust in herself and others, and her joy in life. But now she will knock your socks off! She's an amazing and very talented girl!

How does this tie in to our adoption - this is the very cool part. When your going through events the way we did those 5 years that it seemed we NEVER caught a break, you want to know WHY?!?! I remember my mom telling me it was all building character. (I really didn't want any more during those years!) Also that I was being prepared for something much greater! When we first started this process we were going to adopt a little boy. Well, that quickly changed when God spoke to both me and Jay and we knew we were meant to adopt siblings. Our parameters were for brothers. When the phone call came, it was for a girl and a boy - would we consider them? Y'all know the answer by now, we accepted the referral of a 5 year old girl and 18 month old boy. The 18 month old boy is what I always pictured in my mind. The 5 year old girl - How was I going to do this? That was my thought, but didn't change that I knew God was telling me she was mine.

Adoption is very traumatizing. Something many who have not adopted really think about. It will be very stressful for them to leave the only country they know and come to a very white country, we will smell funny, look funny and nothing will seem familiar. Add the language barrier, strange food, and they don't know us. They did ask for this. And they have to deal with all of this as a child.

A few days ago it all came together for me. The path I have been on the last 10 years have prepared me for more than I even knew. I have parented a traumatized 5 year old girl. I have dealt with the temper tantrums that you never thought were possible. I have been kicked and hit by a 5 year old girl. I have been screamed at, at the top of her lungs by a 5 year old girl. I have ducked when something was thrown at me. I knew that was not my SB in there, just her stress and fear. I learned how to parent her and bring her through. Now, I'm about to bring home a 5 year old girl that will be very scared, stressed and most likely act out not because she wants to, but because she's fearful. I don't know if I'm going to face all that I have faced before, but now I KNOW I have been prepared. I'm ready to love her. I'm ready to care for her. I 'm ready to show her she can trust again. I'm ready for her to be apart of our family.

I have said before, ALS never makes sense. Watching my mother in law die slowly before our eyes was the most painful and depressing experience of my life. But we were meant to care for her. Dealing with the aftermath of what it did to my daughter was heart wrenching. But, God makes beauty from ashes. It is always THE COOLEST moment to look back and realize He's been there all along, never doubt He's using EVERYTHING, weaving it all to work for His plan. I would love if we did not have to experience ALS in our family, for SB to have never gone through those years of struggle and for Hope and Zak to come into our home peacefully and know we are their family and all will be fine. God never told me this was going to be easy. He asked that I follow. And I am.

We got THE CALL!!!!!

YES! It happened! I was not expecting the call. I honestly had it in my mind that we would be waiting a few more months. I just never thought it would happen right now.

Our case worker called Jay yesterday. He was in a meeting, but when he saw her number (and it's not time for our monthly update!) he immediately got out of his meeting and answered. We were on the wait list for up to 3 children, but requested at least 2 boys, and if there was a third in there we would take a boy or a girl. K wanted to know if we would be willing to change our parameters and consider a new sibling set they had that was a sister and brother. So, Jay hangs up ... calls me. I was attempting to rest - which you moms know is almost a joke! My "rest time" had already been interrupted 3 times by some precious children.

(I feel like I need to paint a better picture of the last month or so of my life . . . EVERYONE in my house has been sick during the last 5 weeks! 3 kids with the flu (ALL at separate times which equals very little sleep!), husband on 2 rounds of antibiotics, that alone = one tired momma. All this during the holidays and trying cook, shop, work, etc. Then we opened gifts Christmas morning and left to go to Atlanta for Jay's family Christmas (which was great!) But we came back Monday night to my house looking like a tornado went through it. 2 kids threw up in the car on the way home. My oldest has a 102 temp still. AHHHHHHH Take me a way! I spent Tuesday cleaning to have some sense of peace and had FINALLY said "momma is laying down for 30 minutes!")

So when he calls and asks what I'm doing, I say kinda irritatingly, "I was trying to get 30 minutes of rest!" He then says, "well K just called." WELL, I'm up and at attention!!! "She wants to know if we will consider a daughter and a son." ME - "YES!" So we call her back and have the 45 minutes referral phone call where we get all the details about them and we get to see them for the first time! MY heart melts. I'm trying to listen to all that K is saying, but those precious faces!! At the end of the phone call she asks if we want to move forward. We asked for some time because Jay was at work, I was at home and we felt we needed time to pray and talk as a family since this was different than what we had planned. (we had planned being the key phrase there!)

The kids had hair cut appts, that we were late for, and then we met for dinner. We told the kids at dinner that we had gotten a call from our agency and they were asking us to consider a 5 year old girl and 18 month old son. My kids immediate reaction was priceless. Our son Carter says "I call him my brother for my whole life!" Haley says, "they are ours, I know it, let's go get them." I was honestly worried about how they would react so they calmed me and gave me the peace I was looking for. Jay also said he knew they were ours. So, we called K back and said "YES!!" We are in love with them already. We would move ahead. We spent last night doing those lovely transition packets. Gotta love paper work! We got to 3 since we have children in different age groups and siblings!!! Finished it up and emailed them back.

Our plan is never really the plan to begin with. The fact that we got the call during absolute chaos I find perfect. Really, I love the chaos. Wouldn't have it any other way. I could do with out the flu, but I love being the mom and getting them through the flu. I love my house being a wreck and know it's that way because my kids are very comfortable in their home and want to be here. HIS plan is perfect. He knew all along I had these two beautiful faces waiting on me. He chose the perfect time for me stop and see Him when it was the hardest time to stop and see Him. Another reminder He is always in control and holding us in His hands.

Now we wait to hear about court dates. Not sure of the time table at this point. They should be home sometime this spring. We thank you all for your prayers and support!! We are just thrilled and in love with a picture of some beautiful smiling faces!!! I can't wait to get my arms around them!

Happy New Year to you all! What a fabulous way to end 2010!!!

Candi

Coasting

This is why I had not started a blog until adoption and I still stink at it!  I get emails about how I have not posted in a while.  I usually wait until I feel led to say something.  Well, tonight I feel led and will probably offend someone - but those who know me know I do that regularly.  You never have to guess how I'm feeling.  I honestly wish more people would just express their true feelings and everybody could respect people's feelings, learn from them and if they differ, move on knowing this is what makes the world go round.  That was a tangent all to say, I'm going to state how I really feel!

I realized and have expressed many times recently I could really coast to grand kids at this point. I work a part time job at the children's hospital 2 days a week.  I am a mother of 3 awesome kids, all in school.     We have reached the school, homework, piano lessons, soccer, football, etc. stage in life and I LOVE IT!!  I love being a mom.  I love helping with homework.  I love reading books and being read to.  I LOVE the sports and cheering my kids on.  I love this stage of life.  I even love teenagers and hanging out with them.  So I'm ready for the next stage.   I know at this point I could coast until grandkids.

BUT, God did not call me to coast.  This is the simple answer to why we are adopting. We are all called to love and care for the orphans and widows.  Now, your family might not be "called" to adopt, BUT you are called to do something. That is very clear in scripture.   I wanted to put a word out because I have read on blogs and our list serv the beat down it takes to do fundraising and how that part can have such a negative impact on the adoption process.  Fundraising is like a full time job and it is hard when the same families help, support, give over and over and others just smile at you.  (some don't even smile, they are ugly! we won't go there)  We are so humbled and appreciative of all the help we have received.  We feel very blessed, but it is obvious that some are really struggling.  I have no clue who reads this, but I want to challenge you to really help those who are willing to bring in another child.  It is not something you wake up one morning and think, "hmm, I think I'll adopt."  It is a long and strenuous process that only God can put together.  Pray over that and see where you are supposed to fit in.  None of us were called to coast - we were called to do God's work.  And I promise you, you are in the plan to care for the orphans. If we all did our part think, wow, just imagine the work God could do for orphans.

Family

I love my family dearly! My brother lives in Asia. We get to see him and his family every 2-3 years. They have been in America for the last 9 weeks. We have had them in TN for about 4 weeks of that time. When they are home we squeeze all the quality time in that we can!
They board a plane tomorrow to go back to Asia and this is the first time I am having a VERY hard time letting go. We have left each other many times over the last 12 or so years. The first time was horendous! It never really gets any easier, it's always hard, but something I have always been able to handle in my heart because I knew he and his family are called there. This time, I'm very unsettled in my heart. I love my brother, my sister in law, my nephews and my precious neice (who can handle herself well with all those brothers!) I have tried to pin point why this time is so much harder. One thing is because the kids are getting older, I miss years of their lives. Our kids are getting older also and they all understand now what it means when they say good bye to their cousins. Lots of crying going on in my home tonight!

But this time I think it is harder because we are adopting. I want them here so badly to walk every step with us. I want the support we feel when they are around. Those who are or have adopted know the back lash that can occur. Many say very weird things. Some hurtful, some don't support you, and some just don't understand. With my brother and his family being missionaries, they have been in similar shoes many times. (really most of the time!) They constantly need the prayers and the love and the support. They greatly desire for people to see and feel what they do every day. I know they understand our calling and understand why we are doing this and have just simply loved and supported us through this. It has been so easy to talk about our journey with them. They have NEVER questioned or down played our calling. They listen. And they are so excited and did everything possible they could while here with us, which was more than anyone else has done. To have that love and support that was so easily there helped me breathe a little easier these past few weeks.

So as we say goodbye, again, I'm desparately trying to not pray some very selfish prayers. I would love for God to bring them home. But their calling is in Asia. Mine is here with orphans. This journey never ceases to amaze me. I love being able to see what God uses. I have very much fallen in love with all of those who need families. Everyone deserves unconditional love. Also, with this, he has given me another level of understanding and what I need to do to support others when they are called on their journey. Simply put - I might not get it, but I can support it and love them through it. My brother and my sister in law AND their kids have shown me that. I know they get it - the adoption thing, but they have shown me what simple love and support can do for someone who KNOWS they are doing what they are called to do and just needs to know there is somone who is walking beside them and provides that love and support. Period.

So as I cry myself to death over the next 24 hours, here are a few pics of all the cousins. Next time we will have a few more! How fun is that think about?!

We played ALOT!! Celebrated birthdays, played soccer, cooked out, took some field trips, biked, picniced, football games, Titans game, played in the creek, ate Ethipian, and LOTS of swimming and hot tub time!



Eating Ethiopian

And LOTS of swimming in the pool and enjoying the hot tub!

It's late...

and I'm learning eCommerce on the fly.  If there is someone out there who wants to try out my t-shirt web purchase using Paypal, I would love the feedback to see how well it works.  I'm sure I will make adjustments over time, but we just got the t-shirts in, and we are excited about getting them out there for everyone to see!

Preview and order One Less Orphan T-Shirts